Work/Life and Motherhood in Balance and Motion

  If you've been following my posts then you already know that last Sunday I missed posting and am now a week late. I was planning on blogging last Sunday after the Super Bowl but no one told me that it was a 6 hour game! I was expecting 2 hours and the rest of my Sunday free. Instead I watched the most football I've ever seen in my life and had a back ache from sitting too long. Thankfully, I spent those hours with good company and food so it was well worth it. Unfortunately I'm now a week behind with blogging. I would like to catch up on both posts today but I've got laundry to sort, a child to amuse, groceries to unpack and Downton Abbey to watch before bed. So I apologize in advance for the delay.

Ok so, two weeks ago I wrote this...

"If you want to know why I think stay at home moms are overly dramatic cry babies, why the modern world hates moms and I can't stand you for it and why I think any woman with good sense would avoid motherhood all together if she wants to keep any sort of intimacy, a great body and a fair amount of sleep. Then this post is for you!"

So your probably thinking wow, Sprina sounds like a crazy self absorbed overly opinionated rude person. While all of that is quite possible I don't think it's an acurate evaluation. So before you jump to any conclusions or pass any judgements try to stay with me until the end of the post. Then feel free to formulate your opinion and if you want share it with me and others. I've never been one to care a lot about what other people think unless you are someone whose opinion and thoughts I value (you would know if you are one of these people). One great thing about blogging is you can write whatever the heck you please, which is why I do it. Blogging is one of my few means for an outlet, because we all know you can't always say what you feel at work, to strangers and definitely not to friends or family.

I've spent a lot of time over the last two years reflecting on motherhood, my experiences and those that I read about, hear about or see going on around me. One conclusion that I have made is that mothers work their butts off and often go unappreciated and without thanks. There is a lot that I plan to speak on in the future in regards to motherhood, but at this moment I'm going to try to focus on one thing-stay at home moms. I had planned on sharing my thoughts on the other topics I mentioned before but I think this post will leave you with enough to think about, so I'll save that for later. For now, let me share a story with you.

About a year ago I listened to a grandfather tell a story about how proud he was of his grand son. He said that his 8 year old grandson was a 4.0 student and that he was so thankful for and proud of his daughter who made the sacrifice to stay at home and put her children first. He said that his grandsons success in school was directly attributable to his daughters dedication. This grandfather happened to be speaking to a room full of people, men, women, mothers, fathers, grandparents. It was a diverse crowd and this individual has a lot of influence in many peoples' lives, which is why I was so offended by his implications and insinuations. What's even more enraging is that this isn't the only time I have heard such comments from people. If I would have been in a one-on-one conversation with him or anyone else for that matter who has this one sided opinion of motherhood and "women's work" and think they have it all figured out in regards to what a "good" mother should or shouldn't do. I would have responded by saying this:

 "That's great that your daughter chooses to stay at home, not every mom has that choice, in fact many women are in a situation where they must work, despite the rising costs of child care, and many households depend on a second income. Furthermore no, it is not always a sacrifice for a woman to stay at home, it is often a sacrifice for a mom to have to go to work, leaving her children in the care of others and having to play both role of provider and educator, housekeeper, wife. Many women chose the situation they are in and yet others have no choice either way. So let's not martyr the stay at home moms while condemning the moms who work outside the home. Secondly, that's awesome that your grandson is a 4.0 student, I would assume that at a stay at home mom has the time to dedicate to helping her children study and learn. However equal appreciation, if not more, should go to the moms who come home from an 8-hour or longer day and still make time to cook a hot meal, do homework with and teach their children and whose children then go to school and receive top grades in their studies. Couldn't we cut these moms a bit of slack?"

If you didn't catch my drift, let me expound upon my point- after this short disclaimer:

***IF YOU HAPPEN TO BE THE MOM OF THREE OR MORE CHILDREN (UNDER THE AGE OF 18)WHETHER YOU WORK OUTSIDE THE HOME OR IN IT, THEN YOU ARE TRULY AN AMAZING WOMAN AND DESERVE THE UTMOST RESPECT FROM ALL WHO PASS YOU BY. HOW YOU MANAGE TO KEEP YOUR CHILDREN CLEAN, CLOTHED, STOPPED FROM KILLING THEMSELVES OR FROM LOSING YOUR MIND AND RUNNING OFF IS BEYOND ME. THOUGH I MAY THINK YOU A BIT CRAZY NOTHING THAT I WILL LATER MENTION APPLIES TO YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE A GLADIATOR AND MOST LIKELY WILL NEVER RECEIVE THE GRATITUDE AND APPRECIATION YOU DESERVE.***

Now back to my point. I hear so many stay at home moms whine about how much they do, how hard they work and how they never receive gratitude from their spouse or family. 

My response to that is boohoo, flippin hoo, suck it up sister! 

Do you think that moms who work outside the home go to work and hear their employer or co-workers say "I know you may have been up all night or near exhaustion from any myriad of things you deal with at home, so thank you for coming." or better yet "why don't you sit at your desk and rest a while, we understand that when you leave this job you immediately start another one". In fact it is just the opposite, childless adults often are oblivious of what parents have to deal with and frankly I don't think they care. Which is why I say the modern world hates moms. Not only do they not want to hear you talk about your children all day long, but they expect you, no matter what, to work at the same pace without a thought or word to any other cares you may have in the world. If you have ever had to use PTO or take an unpaid day off to stay home with a sick child, or went to work with less than 4 hours of sleep for months on end because your child won't stop crying, is constantly sick or feverish, has night terrors or just won't sleep unless he/she is lying next to you. Then I'm sure you understand. The thing about it is I get it, yeah parents do chose to have children so its their problem not anyone else's. Yet our society exists and continues because of those adults who chose to procreate. I understand that if you work alongside a parent they get paid just like you do, so why do they deserve extra thanks? Maybe they don't, but think of all the messed up adults out their who didn't have their parents around as children, maybe you are one of them. I'm sure if you are, or know of someone who is, then you understand the vital role that parents play in the lives of their children. I truly feel that at some point as a society we need to evaluate our social systems and the expectations, whether spoken or not that we have on parents. Look at France and other developing countries, their values show through their social services and employment practices. The same can be said of the U.S. When doctors tell you breast feeding for 1 year is best for a child but employers only pay you for 6 weeks of maternity leave. Better yet, you can pay someone else to watch your child for hundreds to thousands of dollars a month, yet if you chose to stay at home and watch your own child, you must do it for free. That's some bullshit, sorry for the language but its true! Like I said, the modern world hates moms and I can't stand you for it.

Now that I have ranted and vented, and am feeling quite good about it I might add, let me end this thought. To the stay at home mom who is feeling tired, over worked and under-appreciated, you have been given a unique opportunity and yet a constant challenge. When you set your mouth into a pout and get ready to start complaining remember that you get to wake up and be in control of your day. You have the opportunity to set the tone for your household and most importantly you get to spend time with your child/children during this most impressionable time in their development. Though not every mom, wants or can afford to be in your position and not every adult (parent or otherwise) will appreciate your contribution to society you do in fact play a vital role. 

Use your influence for good, be conscious of how much you complain with regard to whom may be listening, and be a rock star at your job. Try to find time at least a few minutes a day to focus on yourself, because let's be honest the world won't stop spinning if the laundry isn't sorted, if the floors aren't swept and if your hubby has to heat up his own dinner. 

Lastly, when you talk to your girlfriends who work outside the home, remember they work just as hard as you do, and when their done with that job, they get dressed and leave the house to work.

To all the moms out there, let's not vilify each other, we each have to make our own decisions about what is best for our families. We can each make a case for who works harder or who is most deserving of respect and awe but let's be honest, neither staying at home or working outside the home makes you a stellar mom. If you're doing the best you can, in the circumstances you are in, with the gifts you have been given, then you are a rockstar mom and that's that. The first step in fighting our societies constant hypocrisy in its view and stance on parenthood is solidarity in motherhood.